Author: Ann Grandchamp, Mental Health Editor
As a Mental Health coach, there are some questions that I get asked a lot. Today I share three with you. Check it out and see which ones you’ve already asked yourself.
How do I set my own boundaries?
That’s a very good question and it’s so important. Women tend to struggle with this more than men. We have this tendency to put ourselves at the bottom of our to-do list. As a consequence, we often feel frustrated, misunderstood, exploited, unrecognized and exhausted. Not a good combo as all these states will exacerbate our nervous system and our body will release stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline. This is fine and extremely useful if you find yourself in a life or death situation from time to time. It’s however very bad for your health if it occurs on a regular and / or daily basis.
So, make a list of how you prioritize yourself today. And next to that make a list of how you want to prioritize yourself going forward. Don’t go from nothing to everything (that’s unrealistic). Once you have your list, choose 3 things to start with. It may be things like going for a walk twice a week, reading a novel 10 minutes each day, having a bath once a week, meditating once a day, etc. Add those things to your diary – make them a date with yourself because you love yourself and you deserve to be a priority in your life.
If you’re struggling with boundaries in your relationships and with saying no, do this: next time someone asks something of you, take a pause before you answer. Breathe slowly and check in with yourself. It’s okay to say to someone, “hang on a moment, I need to think about this”. Ask yourself how you will feel if you say yes to that request. Your gut will let you know what is right for you. If guilt decides to come along and whisper some lies, then kindly tell it to stop and go away. And then just say NO.
No, I’m not available.
No, I’m not in a position to help this time.
No, but thank you for thinking of me.
It gets easier and easier, the more you practise.
How to recognize a real friend from a fake one?
A real friend will have your back no matter what, will stay a friend even when you disagree about something major, will be there for you no matter the time of day or night, will check in with you and ask you how you are, won’t count who’s done more for who, won’t keep a record of wrongs. You’ll be able to pick up where you left off with a real friend, no matter how long you haven’t seen each other.
A fake friend will take and take and give little or nothing back, will talk behind your back, might try to use you, won’t be interested in you or who you are, may try to change you to suit them, and basically won’t last the distance. Ditch them asap.
I am feeling very overwhelmed, I cannot focus on one thing. How can I bring back my focus?
The main reason people lose their focus is when their stress levels are too high. When we’re stressed for long periods of time, our nervous system becomes disregulated and our automatic thought process kicks in, disabling us from thinking clearly and being creative.
My one and only advice:
Find a way to reduce your stress levels (ie increase calm and serenity in your life) and regulate your nervous system.
Here are some ideas: exercise, healthy diet, sunshine and fresh air, being in nature, music, dancing, yoga, meditation, slow breathing. Talk to someone you trust or a therapist. The most effective I know of is the Lightning Process training. Make changes in your daily routine to include these things. The more you can include these in your routine, the more your calm level will increase and the more your focus will come back. Also check out this article by yours truly.
Do drop me a line to let me know how you get on. Put yourself first, listen to your gut, learn to say no and to calm down your nervous system. That’s it, in a nutshell.
Take care
Ann Grandchamp, Lightning Process® practitioner,
Advanced Master NLP practitioner, Life Coach
If you…
- have fatigue, anxiety, depression, burnout, or ongoing chronic health issues,
- struggle with meditation and other healing solutions but would love the same benefits and more,
- feel that your healing is prevented by sympathetic nervous system over-sensitisation,
- want to live a healthier, happier, and more harmonious life,
then the Lightning Process® may very well be the solution you’ve been looking for.
To learn more, please click on the link below.
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